Welcome to the November 2006 edition of  “Leadership:  It’s All About Trust.”

 An on-line newsletter from Ellen Castro that addresses

leadership in today’s 24/7 world.

Today’s Leaders

 “There is no failure – only feedback” is a principle by which most leaders live.  All is for good and all is for learning and growth to becoming a better, more compassionate leader.  These solid principles are more apparent when communications go awry.  And, even with the best intent, communications can go awry.

 Even with the intent to build trust and connections, there are times when the leader’s intent does not equal the intended impact.

 Why?  Leaders understand that people have their own personal frame of reference.  A communication which might be seen as encouraging to one can be viewed as condescending by another.

 What are leaders to do when faced with the feedback that they “messed up?”

·                    Breathe.  Do not react, get defensive or defend yourself.

·                    Listen.  Ask questions to gain a better understanding of the emotions and perceptions of the receiver.

·                    Say you are sorry if you truly are.  If not, don’t bother … it will just add “fuel to the fire.”  Never ever say you are sorry that they feel that way.

·                    Ask what you can do to rectify the situation.  This is about you, not them.  Do not ask this question if you do not care about the relationship and/or are not committed to following through on their thoughts.

·                   Reflect back on the intent of the original communication.  Was it to help and build connections?  Or was it to be powerful or petty?  Interestingly enough, when the intent is pure, there tends to be much less defensiveness on the leader’s part.

·                    Circle back with the individual if you can and re-connect in trust.

·                    Consider the learnings, for surely you will be given the opportunity again to see if you learned and grew.

 During the holiday season, leaders are aware that there can be even more stress and a greater chance for communications to go awry.  Thus, leaders are conscious of their intent, their audience and their communications in every single moment, in every single way.  Leaders get that if they can’t say anything nice or in a kind manner, they should perhaps wait until they can.

True leaders give the gift of emotional safety.  True leaders know that in their defenselessness lies their strength.

Questions for Reflection

Are you the gift of emotional safety to others?

Are you the gift of emotional safety to yourself?

 

The choice is ALWAYS yours … choose wisely.

Feel free to share this with a colleague or friend.  Your comments and thoughts are always appreciated … I am always learning.  Until next time, choose wisely.

Ellen Castro is a bestselling author of Spirited Leadership … 52 Ways to Build Trust on the Job and Tortilla Soup for the Spirit.  She holds an EdM from Harvard University and an MBA from SMU where she currently serves on the faculty of the Business Leadership Center.  In addition to Ellen’s coaching, consulting, speaking and writing, she is a REALTOR® for Keller Williams.  She can be reached at 214.750.7718 or ellen@ellencastro.com.  Please visit www.EllenCastro.com.

Ellen Castro 2006.  All rights reserved worldwide.  If this was forwarded to you and you want your own copy each month, please email ellen@ellencastro.com with “Trust Subscribe” in the subject line.  Your name will never be sold or shared.  If you prefer to unsubscribe, or received this in error, reply with “Trust Unsubscribe” in the subject line.

May you be the gift of emotional safety this holiday season and throughout the year.